Special Thx
To each his own
“Each player must accept the cards life deals him or her: but once they are in hand, he or she alone must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game.” Voltaire
In trying to decide a blog prompt I found a quote from Voltaire that almost touches the feelings I have. Sometimes I really feel alone in this struggle of life. I have good friends, but I do not utilize their willingness to listen. I am glad that they do not pry, but offended that some don’t even bother asking where I have been or how I am doing. I have really found out who my friends are. They are the ones who do not push, but they also won’t leave me alone. There are some who would drop everything at a moments notice if I simply said I needed them.
I have seen great maturity in my children. The teen displays responsibility and empathy, along with a do what you have to do drive that I didn’t know she had. The tween struggles, but she does what she has to do and makes sure she knows what is expected of her. There are times I wish she would show more emotion. I know she is worried about life. What does the separation mean for her? What treatment is mawmaw going to get? When? What is it going to do to her? When will she be cured? These are my questions too. I don’t think the tween understands what ‘there is no cure’ really means. Everything done is simply buying time.
Short of the story, my aunt has been three months with a diagnosis and no treatment. Most of the time IBC patients receive treatment within days of diagnosis. It seems that UAB’s cancer center just wanted to study her. That’s not OK. With my cousin here things started getting done, but still no treatment. So she got my aunt into a center in Chicago. They leave Wednesday. I hope too much time has not been lost.
I am here. Helpless. Hopeful.
I’m not thrilled with the hand life has dealt…not for me or many in my family. Sometimes we get the opportunity to exchange some cards for new cards. We never know the consequences of this choice, but we hope that the new hand will take us down a better path. In life we tend to keep our poker face on. No one really knows what is going on inside. Sometimes the goal is to just survive, bluff our way through. Sometimes it is to advance the game, raise the stakes, and win big. What is really winning though? Surviving? Making it to the end? No one gets out alive. How do you win? I choose to believe that if you can smile, you are on the way to winning.
There are some days I’m not winning. I feel so buried in the chaos that I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. There are other days I’m pretty sure that light is a train, not sunshine. I want to upset the balance of sunshine and train. I know that the path I have chosen is walking toward the sunshine. I just hope there isn’t a train coming around the corner.
Regardless of the hand we are dealt, we have to make decisions for ourselves. That does not mean that we ignore everyone else, that we act selfishly and without regard to the consequences of our decisions. It means that we have to make our own choices and live our own life, but in context of the grand scheme. We should not make decisions with a complete disregard for others, or ourselves. We have to look at all aspects, positive and negative, and take the negatives of life and learn from them. I would not be the person I am today without the life I have had.
What does the future hold?
The Road Not Taken
Robert FrostTWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
So long…Farewell..
Most of the time I simply say so long, farewell…or love you, mean it, get out. I am ready for the next semester. I am ready for new students. However, this is a class that I will miss. They are likeable, intelligent AND inquisitive! (They are also very LOUD.) Their enthusiasm for learning is refreshing. It is a class like this that keeps teachers teaching. It is not uncommon to have a few students each year who are like this, but rarely do you have an entire class.
Bye bye 4th. *waving*
Joy
www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/joy
a : the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires : delight
Joy is the feeling of grinning inside Melba Colgrove
I cling to the phrase: Live life. Give joy. Be at peace. It has been years since I began using this nugget of inspiration and I now do not remember where it came from. I love the Colgrove quote. Joy really is grinning inward. That feeling of exhilaration that cannot be explained. If you can give someone that, you have been successful that day. It is easy to smile on the outside. The inside can remain broken and no one is the wiser. Smiling on the inside, that’s the trick.
Keep your smile. Don’t allow anyone to steal your joy.
A day to a week
A day turns into a week fast! Wow.
Oh the insanity. Students were hyped because exam week started. Most teachers were not covering new content, but reviewing. With a sick child at home I was running late. The tween needed to go to the doctor and I needed to organize the day for a sub so I decide to take a half day. When I inform our secretary she says a lot are out and I have to find my own coverage. Oh joy. Several had meetings and a few just weren’t willing. I spent the few minutes I had before school trying to work it out. When I finally get to my room I realize something rather important, I had forgotten the arrival of my student teacher. Oops. Fortunately, I managed to work out the tween to doctor situation. The rest of the day was spent maintaining students and completing various tasks that others had to have IMMEDIATELY.
The real insanity actually started the Friday before…
Formatives were being given. Teachers were not allowed to give their own so we had to trade classes for the formative period.
Students are creatures of habit. They don’t like change. We decided it would be best for the teachers to swap, not the students. That way they get to take the formative exam in their regular classroom. At this time the formatives are field tests. They do not count for or against the teacher student. The students know this and resent having to do it. I asked my students to take the test and do their best, so they did. They don’t want me to get into trouble if they choose to simply mark ‘c’ or nothing and turn their paper in. Yes, my little darling are loyal. The teacher I swapped with did not have the same loyalty. If I had to teach his students every day I would quit. They were awful. Almost as bad as my previous school. For the most part the boys weren’t the problem. The girls have the mouth, the sarcasm, the resentment for another female. They did not want to be seated for the exam. They did not want to stop talking. They did not want to even bother reading each question and taking a guess. “Howee sposed to know dis?” You’ve been in the class for 18 weeks, the district has hope that you have retained something??? I managed to get most of the class on my side. With proximity, smiles, and encouragement most students made the attempt. Only one flat refused and thankfully she slept. This was a class of freshman, with many on the “extended” program for high school. I could not leave this class unattended for me and the other teacher to change back so he left my guys and came to me. When I returned to my room they were relatively quiet and patiently waiting. Yes, my loyal little darlings. I was told by the other teacher that two of my students walked out, that they didn’t want to go to last lunch. Both returned within minutes of my arrival. The boys said that he had to go to the bathroom and the other teacher wouldn’t let him. I reminded student that the other teacher was just following the rules. Student understood, but he really needed to go. I then asked him where he ended up because he had been gone a long time if it was just a bathroom issue. He had been searching for his administrator so he could explain why he walked out and was going to be referred. Since he couldn’t find him he came back to see if I was back. I figure he really must have had to go to the restroom if he didn’t just take off and not bother coming back to the room. The girl that walked out admitted that she went to second lunch. She stayed in my room for third lunch while everyone else went on to eat. She didn’t tell me why, but her administrator dropped by to check that she wasn’t in third lunch. Apparently she had a contract to stay away from a third lunch student and she didn’t want to get in trouble for breaking that contract. Both breaking the rules, but both doing what they had to do in order to avoid bigger trouble. Baby steps…
There was also a fairly major fight and a teacher melt down. Not me, but the teacher across the hall. She is on leave now. Sad when someone is pushed to their limit. No single cause, but a collection of mishaps. The semester ends next week. Hoping for calm.
First exam week post
Thanks for stopping by. Stuff to do. kk, see ya, back to it. Got a story for today though. WOW what a ka-RAY-zee day.
Taste the kick!
Since moving to NC and traveling back and forth to AL, passing through SC, I have fallen in love with Blenheim Ginger Ale. I love ginger ale, and not that crap you get out of the 2 liter soda bottle. I like Blenheim and Buffalo Rock. Both have a spicy kick that will clear your head! The problem…I can get neither product near me! I have to travel at least an hour for Blenheim and to AL for Buffalo Rock!
I have recently discovered you can order online. Now I have to figure out how bad I want it. The cost is almost double what it is if I buy in store where I can get it. Of course, I guess when you factor in the transportation costs shipping it isn’t so bad!
Gotta love technology and the webernets!
Daylight to dark
My work schedule today: I left early and returned late. All day was spent working concessions at a cheer competition. Band fees have to be paid somehow! One exchange:
Can I help you?
What kind of pizza do you have?
I’m sorry, we don’t have pizza. They have it downstairs.
No pizza?
Yes, they serve it downstairs we do not.
But your menu says pizza.
I still don’t have pizza. We do not serve it, they offer pizza downstairs.
—use perky B* voice— Well OK! (turn to husband and say they serve it ….DOWNstairs. —underbreath— smarta$$ —-then place order
As difficult as it was, I never lost my helpful voice and forced the polite. I was even nice to her kid who will hopefully be nothing like mother. The female threw her twenty at me and it slid under the register. I just stood silent for a moment.
I didn’t mean to throw it.
Semi-polite, but still saying BS smile, I manage to slide the corner of the money from under the register, keep polite voice and finish the transaction. I even thanked her for coming to our stand and said have a great day.
Kill them with kindness? I had hopes. I currently hope she feels like an idiot for acting like such an arrogant piece of work.
Long week, greetings weekend
It has been a long week of ups and downs. Glad to face the weekend, even with the agenda full. A student asked me for a life quote yesterday. I shared the one about your living not being determined by what happens to you but by how you react to it. Then I thought about the phrase I use here: live life, give joy, be at peace. It really is our choice how to deal with various situations. Whether we want to or not life has to be faced. Extending joy to another can have unmeasurable benefits for the giver and receiver.
Having peace allows us to extend joy.
Too many thoughts…
Too much going on in my head right now to even try to post.
Aunt update…
IBC cells found. Lesion on kidney, possibly in underarm lymph nodes too. Chemo will start soon.
Helpless.
Nothing creative or witty…
Sooooooo tired. It is the end of semester and the grading stack is four inches high. Not too bad. I meet my student teacher and her school representative tomorrow…at the same time that I am working with virtual class students. Exam copies are due Friday. No pressure!!!!
I’m feeling good about it all, but there is an increased tension around campus. Just the way it is.
The oldest asked me about cable today. For the past two months I have not had cable or satellite. We use Netflix and whatever else we can stream online. Watching television is a deliberate act, not turning on the box and using it for background noise. I have enjoyed not having a television and have not missed it. Not sure how I feel about adding cable. I don’t want it to change the dynamic.
Flair
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