Kontan.

I’m sitting here enjoying my Saturday morning computer time and feeling really defeated. My students are failing. Did you notice that I didn’t say some of my students are failing? Let me break it down for you. Myast test analysis shows the class average is 30%. THIRTY FREAKIN PERCENT! How? I just keep telling myself, “you do not suck as a teacher.” Last year my pass rate was 100% for the state test and 97% for class. Yes, I taught a different group of kids, but those are darn good numbers no matter what you teach and I am NOT an easy teacher. At previous schools with similar demographics to my current my test scores would be around 72-85% and a greater than 70% pass rate. I think my worst failure rate ever was 29% and that was my first year teaching freshman. With the district seriously considering pay for performance I have to admit, there is GREAT fear. My salary is going to be dependent on a hormonal teen that cares not about me or school?

I’ve returned to traditional education and love the actual teaching and feel that I am making a difference. I get the test scores and just want to quit. I’m going to be judged by these scores? Evaluated. Ranked. Failed.

I’ve been browsing the net and ran across a blogger that gives me a little hope. Teachers At Risk is written by a blogger at an at-risk school. She shares great advice and strategies, clarifying that most she learned the hard way. Don’t we all? It is encouraging because so much that I am reading there is what I am doing. I don’t know why it isn’t working in my new school, but I am determined to find out.

I think part of my problem is that I came to this school and chose to conform. Educationally speaking I am a non-conformist. I integrate the non-traditional with the traditional and do my own thing in order to get the job done. This has worked for me. Now I am part of a team that expects a level of conformity. We have common planning, share information, and give the same tests on the same schedule. It is very new for me and I am going to say, not working. I have to stop trying to teach like they do and do it like I know…using my own materials. We just did a two week project that was supposed to serve as a review. My students were not ready for a review, they needed reteaching. (This is a year long class – think introduction semester 1 then depth semester 2.) They hadn’t had the material since the beginning of last semester and struggled with the project. There’s two weeks I will never get back, and their grades on the post-test were awful. I did not teach these students last semester, but will be held accountable for them this semester. It is very difficult for me to avoid focusing on that as an excuse.

I don’t know what to do, but I know it is not what I have been doing.